I feel this is a subject that’s not talked about enough and I don’t know why because to me, it seems like one of the most important things. Although I’m not currently thinking about trying for a family, since getting married last year all talk has turned to is ‘when are you going to have a baby?’. I understand that people are just getting excited about the prospect about a little me coming along but it’s not an okay question to ask and here’s why;
There’s so many people out there that have actually been trying for a baby for months or even years and haven’t yet had a successful pregnancy due to a multitude of fertility issues that can occur. Now I think it’s also important to mention at this point, this isn’t always about the woman, a man could also be the reason and no matter which part of the couple it is, it’s going to be a confusing, stressful and emotional time.
For this reason, it’s not okay to ask a woman or a man when they’re going to be having a baby, they might not physically be able to, they may have suffered miscarriages, they may be going through medication to help the process or they might not have yet seeked medical help as they’re trying to do things naturally but in the back of their mind may be the thought that something is wrong. Bringing this to the forefront of their mind is going to be a difficult, awkward situation to be in for both whoever is asking and the person in question.
They can’t afford to.
Having a baby isn’t something you can do just and crack on with. You’re going to have to provide for that tiny human for at least 18 years, you’re going to have to provide them with food, clothes, toys, education and so much more. A lot of people may not be in the position to be able to make this work, especially as when going on maternity or paternity, money from a job may be much less than usual. Other people may not yet have a job or would prefer to get their step on the right career path first and that’s okay. There shouldn’t be pressure from others to have a baby and by asking why could bring up a lot of demons in relation to money, which isn’t nice for someone to be thinking about if they didn’t want to.
This is a biggie. A lot of men and women suffer from mental health issues, whether other people around them know this is happening or they’re keeping it quiet. Due to fighting their own battles, bringing a massive change to their lives, such as having a baby can be overwhelming. Depending on how well the person knows their mental illness, they may be aware that having a baby could massively effect their progress at this time or could possibly cause something such an addiction to resurface.
Mental health is a touchy subject as it is for a lot of people and by bringing up having a baby to someone that does suffer, this could cause a relapse, a breakdown or much more.
It’s none of your business.
The moral of this post is that asking someone if they’re having a baby yet isn’t any of your damn business. Rather than asking the question, wait to be told. It’s not going to change your life in anyway by not knowing if someone close to you is ready to have a baby or is trying to have one. If anything, it can save a lot of heartache, confusion and many other emotions for the man or woman who’s being asked.
When someone’s ready to tell you either about their pregnancy or even the issues they’re having with having a baby, they’ll bring it up. So please, think before you ask.
If you do need help for any of the above issues, please seek help from your local GP, speak to a friend or if you want to speak to someone you don’t even know just for some comfort, pop me a message on my Instagram or send me an email. You shouldn’t suffer or be confused alone.
Love, always – B
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